Need Feedback on the Beginning of my Book.?

Here is the start of a book that I'm writing, just wanted to know what other people thought of it, I have started to write some other book but this is my latest one, they are all based around the same stuff, supernatural. Please tell me what you think, Thanks.





Chapter 1

I breathed in heavily, inhaling the thick smog covering the city; the bar neon light flickering behind me and the general sounds of alcohol and its effects echoing. I crossed the road, just missing the on-coming cars, which along with the city never seemed to sleep. I blinked trying to regain my sight; the world was still blurry, I pushed my legs forward stumbling on every step. My head was still pounding from the hangover that wouldn鈥檛 pass and by the time I had reached the base of the apartment block, the rain was pouring down, trickling down my face. I walked to the outside stairs around the back of the building; in the distance I could hear the sound of footsteps. The footsteps were heavier than mine and were moving at a slower pace, but I could still hear them gaining on me. I picked up my pace but so did the footsteps noticeably this time, I reached for my keys at the bottom of my bag and just as I found to them the footsteps stopped, at that moment I did something I now regret, I stopped.

I felt a powerful blow hit the left side of my cheek, splitting my lip and filling my mouth with blood, I felt myself lift off the floor and hit the concrete heavily at the end of the alley, crashing into the full dustbins. The metal dustbin had been wrecked and twisted; as I landed my arm got caught on the rim of the sharp metal cutting through the skin and into the muscle. A blood curdling scream escaped by lips, I hardly recognized it as my own; I pulled my arm from the dustbin and cradled it. I could see the silhouette of my attacker now, tall (he would have towered over me if I stood next to him), broad shouldered, and muscular, he sauntered forward towards me. I got up onto my knees still cradling my damaged arm, desperately trying to amply pressure to the wound. The blood loss was starting to make me light headed, but I still tried to crawl out of the moon light and hide. I put my useable hand over my mouth to stop myself screaming again. I heard footsteps and stopped breathing, tears rolling down my face in fear. I could see his shoes from where I was huddled, heavy black boots; he knelt down to my level, his face now in the moon light. It was dimly lit and I could only pick out primal features, his strong, distinctive, cheek bones and the heavy line of his brow. I could just see the front of his lips, perfectly shaped and as smooth as ice, he opened his mouth slightly and all I saw was the glisten of his teeth that sent shivers down my spine.

I grabbed the nearest heavy object and struck him with it, my hand felt the handle of a dustbin lid the weight was almost too much for my one arm to hold, I put all the force and strength I had into that swing, which wasn鈥檛 much at the moment as the lid hit him he hardly moved, the force would have knocked any one person over. He growled, a deep and inhuman noise, as I crawled pass the right side of him. I screamed as he grabbed both my feet and pulled me back, grazing any part of naked skin on the underside of me, I screamed, yelled, begged, but my attacker didn鈥檛 show any mercy or humanity.

They say just as your about to die your whole life flashes before your eyes, you would think you would remember the special moments, your mother tucking you up in bed, the first time you see your new baby sister, your first kiss, but really you don鈥檛. There isn鈥檛 enough time; you are too busy trying to think of a way out of your awaiting death, and the only thing going through your mind is how crap this is. As I lay there my attacker leaning over me, I closed my eyes and desperately tried to remember those special moments, the face of my first kiss, the smile my sister gave me, the smell of my mother perfume, I didn鈥檛 want the last thing I remember to be the dank alley, the feel of rain pelting down, and the smell of blood.Need Feedback on the Beginning of my Book.?
Don't give up your day job until you learn about punctuation.Need Feedback on the Beginning of my Book.?
really good! Get some friends and stuff to proof read it though! I'm not going to comment on the puncuation since you already said for us to ignore that in the additional details... lol



you should continue!

it really gets the reader thinking about what's going to happen... not every writer can do that.
Good...but why..the punctuation....you must notice the punctuation and that part, not too close to each other..make some space and..if that 1st Chapter, already like middle chapter..can you finish with the last chapter...take it easy, go slowly and do some more reading and research,...about the animal or whatever being that attacked you, and gee...dear, you are good, but you move too fast....people may get bore, because from that chapter one, people already know where this story goes.....You must make a story inside another story...ok? Good lucks!!
looks pretty good. i'd read it. onli yeah just the punctuation and if you spread out the paragraphs with tab it would be perfect (:. other then that, really good job.
I'm really sorry, I really can't read it. Not because it's boring or bad, just because the paragraphs are too big. Try putting more ';enters'; in so it looks less like blocks and it's easier to read. I promise I'll read it if you just do that.



Answer mine and send me the link if you add more enters later.

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind鈥?/a>