One of my earliest memories as a child was of standing in the line at a Methadone clinic in San Antonio. There was a man that was always there with the the cutest, furriest little dog you've ever seen, and my sister and I would always play with it while we waited for the clinic to open. I remember that the people there used to be kind of scary, but being a kid I probably didn't over think it. Of course my sister and I weren't there by ourselves. Our mom would wake us up at 4am, to make the three hour trip with her once a month.
I'm trying to think of how to really describe my mother. I could say '; a horrible person';, and you might picture the most horrible person you know, and liken her to that. But that's not right, not by half. I guess it will have to do though.
My dad died of liver cirrhosis when I was seven. I don't remember very much about him, but I know I loved him. I can't help but feel that my life would have been a lot different as a child had he not died so early. He would have stood up to my mother, and somehow would have helped her conquer her demons. The list of the disgusting, selfish, and cruel things she did to us is a lengthy one. I'll not get into them all, but I feel a few examples are necessary to illustrate my problem.
She once walked into our living room, where I was hanging out with some friends, naked. She was high out of her mind on some kind of pills, she kept so many that I don't know which. She was screaming. It's not an easy memory for me to force myself to dredge up from the dark recesses of my mind. Suffice it to say I don't think I've ever felt as humiliated, infuriated, and hopeless as I did at that moment.
She was constantly directing a stream of profanity at my sister and I. We were often told that our existence was a mistake. Also, ';******* little sluts'; was used a lot, particularly after my first boyfriend started spreading the lie that I had cheated on him. Somehow she heard about this, and she threw it in my face on a fairly regular basis that I was ';a fat cheating slut';. That was her other favorite, the fat thing. I guess back then I was kind of chunky. Hearing ';Fat little *****'; and ';Why don't you just go stuff your face some more?'; was enough motivation for me to lose 40lbs in one summer. Of course, I lost it because I developed an eating disorder.
The only thing provided as far as basic essentials to life for my sister and I was a roof over our heads and clean water. That's more than some people have, I know, but why have two children if that's all you've got to offer? There was never food of any kind to speak of in our house. We ate our free lunch at school, and supper with our aunt, who, thank goodness, lived right next door. Things like shampoo, deodorant, tampons even... they weren't provided. Once again we depended on the kindness of my aunt for these. She was extremely poor, but she helped us, and I'm grateful for it.
I think you probably get the idea. She is a drug addict, a drunk, and a sad example of humankind.
When I was 17 my friend and I moved in together. I was still going to high school, but we had our own little apartment that we paid for working fast food jobs. Today I live in a huge luxury apartment with my boyfriend of two years. I love him dearly, and this life I've created for myself. I've never looked back. I'm happy.
Or was. This dilemma has been plaguing me for nearly a year now. I've got the most extreme set of morals of anyone I've ever met. What she did to us was wrong, in every sense of the word. The question is, is someday am I going to regret not making peace with her? I can't for the life of me see how I would regret it, but still, as her life is ending, I'm running out of time to be certain.
To those of you that would say, ';Addiction is a disease, it's not her fault';, to you I say, bullshit. I've conquered an addiction to methamphetamine in my teenage years, clinical depression, and an eating disorder. I've done it without drugs, therapy, or anything other than my own determination. And I don't have kids. What more motivation should a person need to clean up their act than having two kids that need a mother?
Another factor to consider is that I'm an atheist, and a proud one. I am not in the least bit interested in changing that. I can't just forgive her for the sake of forgiveness, thinking that she will be judged after her time here is done. No. I believe people need to be held accountable for their actions here and now.
I'm not looking for sympathy here, just an unbiased answer. And please, answer as if you didn't have a higher power to turn to.My mother is on her deathbed. Should I tell her goodbye?
I cannot fathom out why you want or need to say goodbye to be honest.
To me, you said goodbye the day you walked out, fended for yourself, and, made a success of your life
if you are doing this from some sense of misguided loyalty, i urge to to reconsider, it wont solve anything
if however you wish the chance to close this chapter once and for all, then do it
You come across, as a well balanced, thoughtful %26amp; educated person,
I think that is all the closure you need on your past
look to the future
it sounds like you have a bright one ahead
Best wishes to you
)O(My mother is on her deathbed. Should I tell her goodbye?
I won't judge the way things are. In a way you should say your goodbye forever and be rid of any guilt. But on the other hand, the you were treated and raised I would just forgive and forget. You have obviously moved on and are on the right track for your future. No since in looking back now. I think you will find the right thing to do. Maybe even talk to your sister about it before making any decisions. See what she thinks about the idea. Hope this helps, sometimes families are the ones that make life more difficult.
I think you should say good bye. Because if she dies and your not there it is going to hurt worse then you not saying it now.
no she will look so ill and you have enough to haunt you, stay away if you know you will never regret it, and that sounds like the case. you cant change anything just cause yourself more heartache
Well, the fact that you asked this means you do have some reason to want to say goodbye. You are considering it and so somehow a part of you thinks that it's only right to say goodbye. She only lives one life and it has been miserable. To me, you giving her a decent farewell would bring some peace into both your lives no matter how small it may be.
To let it just slide would only make you think about it. Saying it will get the whole issue off your chest. If you somehow believe in karma, then the life she had led is karma enough for the things she has done. You know the burdens of being a slave to drugs and depression and you know how hard it is to go through them. With that said, the life she had already justified her actions. She's suffering now and is going soon. With one life to live, let it end with some closure at least.
Hope my answer helps.
Put it this way she is the one who gave you life just say bye and move on you might regret it when your older or when your on you're deathbed. she might of been cruel to you,but we only have one mom.
I'm truly sorry for the pain, that you've suffered thru your life, and I ';understand';!
You, ( like I) seam to be carrying a lot of pain and anger, from all of this!
I once, told my, ';demented mentor';, that I ';forgive you';! And, it wasn't to relieve them of their evil that they brought into so many life's!
But, it was part of ';my getting on with life';! It will lighten your load, caring a ';grudge';, thru life is like carrying a 100#'s of rocks on your back. And, a ';final simple statement';, will, help you throw that ';bag of rocks down';!
And ';kudos'; to you for ';holding your life together';, and escaping the evil mayhem of your youth.
This, helped me to the extreme, and I am/was able to move forward with my life w/o their ';damming effects';!
Do it for your self, if no one else! you'll feel better,and that's what matter's most!
MGB
Bitterness and grudge-holding are bad habits; they're selfish, unhealthy, and pointless. Work on fixing that.
My own mother and I don't have the best relationship either. She's done a lot of things to me that were very damaging, especially when I was a child. However, you can bet your boots that I'd be at her deathbed to say good-bye. Why? She's my mother.
Above all else, she is your mother, the woman who brought you into the world, and she's about to die. There's a connection between you two, and if you don't say good-bye now, you'll be wishing you did when you had the chance. After all, you only have one mom.
Don't kick and scream about it. You wanted a straight answer, and I gave you one. I couldn't care less what you believe or what set of morals you have (though I'm slightly curious where you got those morals if you're an atheist).
Running from the past won't make it go away. Shove your arguments and reasons and justifications, grow up, and go say good-bye. It won't kill you.
You have to search yourself to make that decision. If you believe it would make you feel better, then do it. It is all about what would help you. If it would help you put that part of your life behind you then do it. If it will only bring up bad memories then don't. Talk with your sister and see how she feels.
Only you can know whether you will feel regret down the road. I doubt you will. You seem to be satisfied with where you are in your life right now, congrats on being strong enough to overcome some terrible thing in your life.
Good luck!
I wouldn't bothering opening old wounds. It sounds like seeing her will do nothing but hurt and anger you.
Good luck.
An athiest. I am a christain but will answer as requested, without a higher power to turn to. ';The question is, is someday am I going to regret not making peace with her?'; Only you can answer this question. It is my bet that you will regret it someday. A parent is a parent and we only have one set and one chance. Forgivness is hard thing to do for many but by not forgiving her, it would seem like she got one over on you. Be the bigger person and forgive and you won't have to regret things later. The past is the past and today is here now. We can't go back and fix things so take care of things in the here and now. Do you think you would regret saying goodbye to her? I don't think so. Go ahead and make the step. In closing I wish you the best of luck and that yor decisions are wise ones. As a christian, I am just giving my honest opinion and hope that you find peace through all of this. Good luck.
I really don't care, what you do. Its your own choice. You choose to do what you did. You say you used meth. So by what right, do you have to call her a drug addict. When you yourself, was one.
As you said: IN YOUR TEEN YEARS.
. So you were mostly doing drugs, during that time period. As for being an atheist, does it really matter? You say your mother was selfish, and coldhearted. Yet you yourself are being that same way. So who is right, and who is wrong? As you say. Your mother will be judged, for what she did. As you yourself will be. And you have let your pride get the best of you. You are to proud, even to say i'm sorry, for messing up my life.
So you blame your mother, for everything, that happened in you life time. Instead of blaming yourself, for your own selfish pride ,and foolishness. Because you are to proud to forgive. Your pride, will be you downfall.
if it would make you feel better... go in the room give her the finger and leave.... if not.
forget about her completely!!!!!! f. her AND I'M SERIOUS!!!
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