Boyfriend Anger Management?!?

(Sorry to post in women's health, but I figured you ladies would have a few words of wisdom. xx)





My boyfriend of 2+ years has been showing various signs of needing anger management lately.





The tiniest things will spark a full blown fight that gets ugly (usually ends with him ignoring me for days at a time, blocking my calls, deleting me off Facebook, real mature stuff...).





Last night I told him that I didn't like that he lied to me, and I don't like that he's lying to his mother (he bought a motorcycle several months ago and promised me he'd tell her about it. Mom's really anti-bikes).





That was it. All I said. ';I don't like that you're lying to her, I don't like that you lied to me, and I don't like that every time I see her I feel like I'm lying to her about it too';.





Suddenly I was going against every social code, and was completely out of line! He told me that it was absolutely not my place to comment about his family, and that anyone with any hint of manners knew that. (Among other things that were all completely ridiculous). The things he said to me escalated to the point where they were abusive. (I'm still furious he suggested I had a 'place', but that's a whole other story).





He also managed to drag my own relationship with my mother into things. We have a very challenging relationship and she has a lot of emotional baggage she needs to deal with (she won't talk about her life before she turned 25. First marriage was a disaster, she was kidnapped and almost murdered, etc. Not pretty stuff and she probably needs therapy to get over it). Add 7 years of cancer treatments, a hysterectomy, instant menopause and a hormonal imbalance and you have a very difficult woman to deal with. It's heartbreaking but she has this attitude that she can't be sick, so she won't admit she has a problem. It's all I can do to keep her from driving off a bridge some days, and we can't get help for her.





Anyway, he managed to pull all that into our little fight. I started bawling, of course, because this is the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with. I went from a perfect, happy mom to this fragile mess of a woman who's more hormonal than you can imagine.





I told him he was out of line, and asked him to apologize.





He refused, said absolutely not, and asked who was I to tell him how to deal with his mother, [insert several lovely profanities here].





It got ugly. Very quickly.





Now, what I don't understand is WHY something so small turned into a full blown arguement. He has hung up on my calls, sent me a text that said ';F*ck you, learn to mind your own f*cking business, not mine';. Again, you just DON'T say that. He's deleted me off Facebook, blocked me on MSN, and blocked my number.





I'm about as laid back as a girlfriend gets and I'm nothing but good to him, so his reactions are ridiculous! I don't nag or instigate, and generally let him do his own thing and don't worry about it. I'm neither jealous nor possessive. He's got it made and everybody says I'm fantastic.





So, is there any way I can have him go to anger management? I'm pretty much through with the relationship after that, you don't just say sorry and move on after what he said (that said, he's never said sorry, ever). I'm legitimately worried about his mental health, and what he might to do other women in the future. Half of me wants to tell his mother about the bike just in case he ever hurts himself on it (I don't want a guilty conscience), but I don't want to be 'that girl'.





I'm disgusted with his behaviour, I've spent the vast majority of the day crying, and I have no idea where it came from. We're nothing but happy when we're together in person, it's only when we're apart that he picks HUUUGE fights over little things.





So I guess what I'm asking is such...





Is there any way to have him sent to anger management or therapy if we're not married and he doesn't agree to it? I'm legitimately worried about him.





Thanks oddles, and sorry it was long. I'm just a mess right now.





xx








(I also have several years of psychology under my belt so I recognize a problem when I see one, I'm not just upset because he got mad. They're not normal reactions).





I should also add that we're 20 and 22.Boyfriend Anger Management?!?
Hi. I know I may be really young to be answering questions about this kind of stuff, but I think I can really help.


He does seem like he needs anger managment or any form of therapy. But he seems like he is one of those people that will explode as soon as you tell him this. He gets angry very quickly, but it actually all depends if you honestly love each other. If he loves you enough, you know he will take the therapy, because if he does he will be able to prove you wrong if thats what he wants, or he will be able to change. If he explodes and says no, and blames you for other things, and does all those things, maybe you two shouldnt be together.


but then again it doesnt have to be like that at all. If you guys are together in person and its all good, maybe you should spend more time together.


and since all these things seem to happen when you are apart, maybe there is something out of your knowledge that you dont know about.


If I were in your situation, I would go to counseling or therapy with him, or drop him. No guy is worth all that pain, and even though im probably too young to understand, i get where your comming from.