Friday, November 19, 2010

Please rate my writing...?

Amethyst ran down the street, just running, just thinking. Everything had been way to weird lately. Just… weird.

The first thing she had noticed were things missing from her room. Then, she kept seeing the same boy everywhere she went. He walked by her house everyday, he stood behind her in line when she was buying groceries, he was always at the restraint she was, every event she was, and it was starting to creep her out.

“Amethyst,” someone said, causing her to jump. As she turned to face the source of the call, she almost screamed. It was he.

He looked about 17 or 18, only a year or two older than her. She didn’t find him handsome, and just the sight of him filled her head with anger.

“Stop following me! I don’t know what you want! If you don’t leave me alone… I’ll call the police… I swear!”

He walked slowly towards her, his hands held as if trying to convince her he came in peace. When he spoke, he spoke slowly.

“I’m not trying to hurt you. I want to protect-“

He didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence. When he was only but a few yards from her, she had charged him, her fist making contact with his face. Though small, she was muscular, and within seconds his eye had already began to discolor and swell.

“I. Told. You. To. Leave. Me. Alone.” She spoke through her teeth as he stared, for a moment, shocked.

But then soon he regained his composure. He held his hand over his eye, but didn’t back away. He appeared quite calm for someone who face had just gotten smashed in by a teenage girl.

“Would you listen to me?” he spoke with total control of his voice, his tone not changing.

She shook her head as she began to walk in the opposite direction. “I don’t waste my time on explanations from freaky stalkers who sneak into my room. By the way, I want my turquoise blouse, my engraved ipod, and my leather bound copy of Jane Eyre back, if you don’t mind. You can drop it on my doorstep, but don’t bother to hang around or else I promise you, the police will be involved. Now, goodbye.” She spoke casually and briskly, never turning to look back at him as she walked away.

He stood back, his mouth hanging opened in disbelief. “I didn’t take your stuff!” he finally managed to shout after her, but if she heard, she didn’t acknowledge him.



They had told him to come on get her, that she could help them, but he had never expected this. This gorgeous ball of fire, with bright violet eyes like none he had ever seen, and a personality that, well… He had been following her around, all the while trying to work up the courage to talk to her, to tell her everything. And now he finally had, he finally had called her name as she passed, and he had gotten whacked. He sighed, he was tired of this whole plan, and it was a bad idea anyway. They could manage without her. All he would have to do would remind them what had happened last time and the plan would be off.

It hurt to think about the last time, but he made himself do it anyway. How would he ever be able to move on if he avoided reality? He had finally concluded he wouldn’t, and so he had stopped avoiding the topic.

As his annoyance faded, and since reached him again, he started to think, and what he was thinking was this…

Who had taken stuff from her room?

She had called back at him, obviously accusing him of stealing her personal possessions, but what reason would he have to take her useless junk? And if he didn’t take it, the only possible explanation of someone was else was already on her trail, and therefore, she was already in danger.

Great, just what he needed, another helpless, clueless girl to save from some dark supernatural force. Although, as she had already showed him, she wasn’t quite as helpless as she appeared.

He sighed again. There was no demolishing the plan now. He’d have to abduct her against her will, which wouldn’t be easy, than explain everything to her, which also wouldn’t be easy, and then deal with her wrath.

He might as well go and get a good night sleep. He’d need it.





This is a pretty rough draft. I think I caught most of the spelling and grammar mistakes, but I may not of, so would you please point them out. Also, I know I probably need to go over it a couple times and reword a few things, but again, would you please point thing out? Thank you!Please rate my writing...?
I only noticed that you spelled restaurant incorrectly, and pronoun usage.

Other than that It was amazing. You might want to add a little more description as to were their little spat takes place. You only point out that she is running. Running were? A sidewalk in a suburb, a beach, a snowy trail? Also you might describe this mysterious stalker. He seems to be an important character. If you plan on a much thorough description later on than ignore this.



I do want to know who this guy is, and what supernatural forces are at work. I personally hope it is changelings, or possibly shape shifters. Those are always a pain to get rid of.

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