The BIGGEST mistake of my life/ Desperately Sad Epiphany?

I'm interested in what you think I should do in this situation, even though it is ridiculously f@$d up.

This can also serve as a VERY important lesson to a lot of people.



I am a Year 12 student, 2010 and this post is about something that happened in Year 6. A friggin while ago.



THE STORY

I was perfectly happy in my childhood before year 6; I was relatively popular and I had the greatest friends anyone could ask for. But on the first day of year 6, ONE of my friends said ';Sorry, I dont like you anymore'; and long story short, it gave me such a shock that I became convoluted... I thought that ALL of my friends thought the same as him.



I looked around at breaktime and saw that one guy hanging out with my best mate; all of my other friends started congregating amongst him. That was when I thought that they were all against me. Because I thought I was all alone, I started to become passive and I became a pretty easy target for bullying. I went to the bathroom and isolated myself in a cubicle, filled with paranoia and still in shock.



Isolating myself really screwed me up. It seemed that it was me against the world. I was totally alone as I believed that nobody liked me. I believed that, like that one guy, my best friend had turned on me as well. In retrospect, I realise that he didn't and that he still like me and thought that we were friends. (Anybody who has put themselves through true isolation can relate to how messed up your mind becomes, your reasoning and logic all becomes flawed.)



He regularly asked me what was wrong with me and that I ';used to be cool';. My deluded mind thought that he was being sickly sarcastic or something.



From Year 6 to Year 12, (pathetic, I know) I always found isolating myself in a cubicle more comfortable than acting like a normal kid, and moving on. However, it was just last week that I came to this epiphany and my mind became clear. 6-7 years later (spent in total isolation), I realise how much hurt I must have caused him and how stupid I was to make such an epic mistake.



Time has twisted and moved things so much since then. I really feel like I owe him an apology so that we can catch up on all the fun stuff we could have done. He lives a few houses down from me for gods sakes, but I'm way too scared to say sorry because I will come off as being pathetic and frankly, its just too late. I should have said sorry a hell of a lot earlier.



I probably wont end up reconciling with him, the reason I am typing this is because I feel like I need some release from the huge amount of regret I am carrying around with me, like morbid psychological baggage. I just wanna say to anyone out there who might be in a similar position;



Isolation may seem like the only way out, but if you plan on doing it for nearly as long as I did, be prepared that by the end of it all you will become physically, emotionally and psychologically stuck. In one way or another you will be stuck, your mind gets deluded, you go soul searching and then you realise all the time that you have wasted brooding unneccessarily and cowardly instead of going out there and solving whatever problem you have.



Take it from somebody whos already been down that road, dont do it.The BIGGEST mistake of my life/ Desperately Sad Epiphany?
IT IS NOT TO LATE. Trust me; apologizing won't hurt you! Get back in the game! Apologize to those whom you hurt, and confide in people. You can't always be the most popular, so don't feel like everyone has turned against you. Life is long and messy, and times will change. I wasn't the most popular of my group of friends; in fact, I never truly know where I stand with some of them. But humans are ment to be with each other, like wolves. Stay with a pack you love and who love you!The BIGGEST mistake of my life/ Desperately Sad Epiphany?
wow mateee,

thats deep ,

ahh

i dont really know what to say but i feel like i have to say something,

to every bad thing that happens, another door opens. yeah thats gay but remember that, after all this stuff something great will come of it.

you just gotta remember that no one's gonna be happy forever, so youve had your time being sad, youll get through it.

you dont know me.

but i promise

:)
good luck with your crisis.
That is a really powerful story. Thank you for posting it. Perhaps it might help others and it was very brave of you to write it.

If you think talking to someone would help you can ring these services toll free, 24/7 - Beyond Blue 1300 224 636, Lifeline 13 11 14, SANE Helpline on 1800 18 SANE (7263), or the Kids helpline 1800 551 800.



There is a great organisation for young people called Head Space. The contact number for the Melbourne office is 9526 1600. These services are all there to help not to judge.



Again, I think you are very brave and I'm glad you think you are turning the corner now.