Any tips for my first draft of my book?

here it is:



Walking down the hallway Lozzy racked her brain for her locker combo. It was only the third day of middle school and she’d already forgotten it. She got to locker before lunch and finally looked up her combination. She’d never had a locker before, so she was horrible, and I mean horrible, at opening them. After trying for 5 minutes to unlock it, she gave up and groaned

“Ugh! I can’t believe it happened again!”

Lozzy was banging her head against her locker when her friend Grace walked up behind her.

Grace asked while twirling her own lock like a pro

“Need some help there?”

“YES!!!”

This had happened so many times Grace had even memorized the numbers. At last it was open! Lozzy quick dumped her stuff in, grabbed her lunch, thanked Grace and ran to lunch.

That was how my year started, but lets flash forward a few months to see what happens next.



(8 months later)



“Hey Sammaaaaayy!!.” Lozzy called on her way to first hour.

“Hey Gracaaaaayy!!” Lozzy called again but to Grace this time.

“Hey Lozzaaaaayy my nasal passageway!!” They both called back in unison. It was such a random greeting, yet everyone was used to it by now. As we walked to first hour World Geo, we discussed our vacation plans, me and Sammi were, of course, staying here hanging out together, but Grace was going to Spain. Oh how Sammi and I envied her! But we got over it soon enough.

On the way to second hour the conversation is also joined by crazy Ria, who it just so happens to have walked around with a blue magic marker mustache drawn on her face all day. Ria is this wild chicky who wears purple any day she can and wears shorts any day of the year if it’s above 32 degrees.

“Hey Lozzy!” Ria shouted down the hall in between classes.

“Hey Ria” I answered back.

“Oh my g0d! Did you guys see that?!”

“What?!” we all shouted

“Oh nothing I just did that to get your attention.”

“RIA!!!” we all shouted at her and all at once we slapped her on the shoulders. Ria was used to it though, it happened almost every day. Ria also has this very, very distinctive voice, mix together a shouting six year old and an oompa loompa and you’ve got it! She’d actually probably kill me if she read that, so just erase it from your mind while I try to erase it from this journal.







The next day Lozzy was walking down the hall with her best friend Kadienne; Kadee for short. They were walking slowly and as they turned the corner they heard the monitor shout out

“30 seconds!!”

“Oh god!” Kadee said worriedly

The girls ran down to the end of the hall and made it into the French class just as the bell rang.



*******

“Je ne le connais pas ?

? Je ne le connais pas ? repeated the class after Madame Frankschwiner.

? Alright you may line up class, but, do it quietly. ?

Lozzy and Kadee ran out the door as fast as they could to get to lunch. First they had to stop at Lozzy’s locker. As they were walking up the stairs they passed a group of 8 graders. Lozzy all of a sudden tripped and fell up the stairs. The 8 graders started laughing at her. Lozzy picked herself and her stuff up and said:

“Whoa whoa whoa guys, no need to laugh at me, like me and my friend Grace always say, “I fall down the stairs naturally, but I fall up the stairs in style.””

The 8 graders laughed, and agreed to not laugh again. Once they passed the girls, Kadee high-fived Lozzy, and they laughed all the way to her locker.

“So, you want to hang out after school?” asked Lozzy

“Umm, I can’t really.”

“What? Why?”

“Because, I have to go look at houses with my parents.”

“Huh?”

“Lozzy, I’m moving. I’m really sorry I waited this long to tell you, but my dad lost his job a couple of months ago and his new one is based in Massachusetts. I’m really sorry.”

“M..m..Massachusetts?”

“Yeah.”

“But that’s like a million miles away!”

“I know, it’s far, but it’s the best job my dad could get. I’m just really sorry.”

“Well can you at least tell me where in Massachusetts?”

“Boston.”

“Alright, just give it time to sink in okay?”

“Yeah sure anything”

“Thanks.”

Lozzy hugged Kadee and they walked slowly to the lunch room together.

*******

That night I sat on my bed with my laptop thinking about Kadee. I opened a new tab and Googled the distance from Argyle, Missouri to Boston, Massachusetts. It was 1,124 Miles.

“1,124 miles,” Lozzy whispered to herself.

“I just can’t believe it.”

I unplugged my laptop and set it on the ground next to my bed. I switched off my light, and crawled under the sheets staring at the moonbeam peeking through my window. I fell asleep to me and Kadee’s favorite song playing softly in my head.





ok this is something i wrote for after kadee moves away like the summer before 8 grade:



it takes place after kadee moves away. Like in the summer before 8th grade:



I was ridding my hot pink townie down Bay Street, leaning back enjoying the warm breeze against my face. When all of a sudden I hear somAny tips for my first draft of my book?
if you're planning on publishing it don't post it on here or on any other websites such as fanfiction etc.... because they have the rights for your book and people can also steal your ideas...Any tips for my first draft of my book?
i wouldn't read it. mostly because it seems a bit immature and silly. the extendended vowels in words especially.