The tiniest things will spark a full blown fight that gets ugly (usually ends with him ignoring me for days at a time, blocking my calls, deleting me off Facebook, real mature stuff...).
Last night I told him that I didn't like that he lied to me, and I don't like that he's lying to his mother (he bought a motorcycle several months ago and promised me he'd tell her about it. Mom's really anti-bikes).
That was it. All I said. ';I don't like that you're lying to her, I don't like that you lied to me, and I don't like that every time I see her I feel like I'm lying to her about it too';.
Suddenly I was going against every social code, and was completely out of line! He told me that it was absolutely not my place to comment about his family, and that anyone with any hint of manners knew that. (Among other things that were all completely ridiculous). The things he said to me escalated to the point where they were abusive. (I'm still furious he suggested I had a 'place', but that's a whole other story).
He also managed to drag my own relationship with my mother into things. We have a very challenging relationship and she has a lot of emotional baggage she needs to deal with (she won't talk about her life before she turned 25. First marriage was a disaster, she was kidnapped and almost murdered, etc. Not pretty stuff and she probably needs therapy to get over it). Add 7 years of cancer treatments, a hysterectomy, instant menopause and a hormonal imbalance and you have a very difficult woman to deal with. It's heartbreaking but she has this attitude that she can't be sick, so she won't admit she has a problem. It's all I can do to keep her from driving off a bridge some days, and we can't get help for her.
Anyway, he managed to pull all that into our little fight. I started bawling, of course, because this is the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with. I went from a perfect, happy mom to this fragile mess of a woman who's more hormonal than you can imagine.
I told him he was out of line, and asked him to apologize.
He refused, said absolutely not, and asked who was I to tell him how to deal with his mother, [insert several lovely profanities here].
It got ugly. Very quickly.
Now, what I don't understand is WHY something so small turned into a full blown arguement. He has hung up on my calls, sent me a text that said ';F*ck you, learn to mind your own f*cking business, not mine';. Again, you just DON'T say that. He's deleted me off Facebook, blocked me on MSN, and blocked my number.
I'm about as laid back as a girlfriend gets and I'm nothing but good to him, so his reactions are ridiculous! I don't nag or instigate, and generally let him do his own thing and don't worry about it. I'm neither jealous nor possessive. He's got it made and everybody says I'm fantastic.
So, is there any way I can have him go to anger management? I'm pretty much through with the relationship after that, you don't just say sorry and move on after what he said (that said, he's never said sorry, ever). I'm legitimately worried about his mental health, and what he might to do other women in the future. Half of me wants to tell his mother about the bike just in case he ever hurts himself on it (I don't want a guilty conscience), but I don't want to be 'that girl'.
I'm disgusted with his behaviour, I've spent the vast majority of the day crying, and I have no idea where it came from. We're nothing but happy when we're together in person, it's only when we're apart that he picks HUUUGE fights over little things.
So I guess what I'm asking is such...
Is there any way to have him sent to anger management or therapy if we're not married and he doesn't agree to it? I'm legitimately worried about him. Any suggestion as to why he might be acting this way? He has a great paying job (that's rather easy), minimal living expenses thanks to his company, a beautiful loving family, a great (likely now Ex) girlfriend, and everything going for him. Smart, rich, handsome, nearly finished his degree... I just can't figure out what went wrong so quickly.
Thanks oddles, and sorry it was long. I'm just a mess right now.
xx
(I also have several years of psychology under my belt so I recognize a problem when I see one, I'm not just upset because he got mad. They're not normal reactions).
I should also add that we're 20 and 22.Boyfriend Anger Management?
I honestly think he's a future abuser. Honey, please get away from him.
You didn't elaborate on the nature of how it got ugly. I suspect if he didn't put hands on you he got physical in some way. Physically abusive relationships evolve from things like throwing objects or even just getting in the person's face, screaming, etc. And he's definitely emotionally abusive.
I'm glad you see that he's the problem. You sound like a wonderful, intelligent person. Go find yourself someone who's on your level of mentality and have the life you deserve. He's a horrible ex-husband waiting to happen.
As for his spiral into a jerk: many people have that kind of thing lurking below the surface. It just doesn't come out until they don't get their way.
And his insensitivity toward your mother is despicable. How can you possibly trust him with your heart when you know he'll use your own pain to pierce you?
Get away from him and don't look back. Please.Boyfriend Anger Management?
wow thats long
wow my bf does the same except we are both 17 lol
idk what to do either here in this situation.
ask him to go to the doctor or something
if he says no tell him you cant live with his always angered attitude
if he cares about you, he will go
if he wants you happy, he will go
see my bf doesnt care he doesnt want to
so everytime he gets his anger attacks i have to suffer
for him, it was something that happened when he was in middle school and he still hasnt let it go
maybe something happened in his past that let this happen?
just talk it out with him
try understanding how he thinks
you can't force him into anger management unless he beats you and the courts decide to send him. or perhaps if he threatened you or some other criminal act. even then it's not your choice to send him to anger managment it would be the judges and the judge may choose to do something else.
you could try to say you must go or i'm leaving you but he's young and as you say not desperate so i don't think he'd go for it. if you're leaving him anyway, i don't think anger management with some social worker is going to do anything but piss him off. i think thats their plan actually, like resistance training sometimes or just to gauge you. but they do taunt you. f'in pricks. so i don't think it's worth it to trick him for his own sake as shrinks are quacks and it's really a useless endeavor anyway.
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