I feel like an idiot. I have an obligation to my son but how do i make it right? Do you think i should move out for a while and take it from the start? Like start dating again or something? I'm lost.How do you begin to trust someone again after they broke your heart?
He needs to be remorseful before you can even consider trusting him..
and yo are right - but you are misguided in your thinking.. You will not be one of those 'jealous' girlfriends' - you will simply morph into a more aware observer who keeps her eyes open - SMART woman!
your choice if you want to chase his lies or not./. how will it be better to stay or leave only you know... either way your life is now never going to be the same...How do you begin to trust someone again after they broke your heart?
Give it time. and if you want to work on it than do that but you can't work on it always thinking about what he has done you have to let that go. But if your heart is not there than don't waste your time move on.
It's very hard and takes a long time. But work on it day by day. If he's willing to make it better and so are you, try it again. I did, and we've never been happier, but it took us 3 years and still working progress, I guess I will never fully trust him again, but he's never treated me so well, always trying to make up for it. The guilt got the better of him. But this is not always the case... Some men just don't care and have already given up. It's up 2 you.
You and your son are far better off being from a broken home than you are living in one! Cheating is a deal breaker! Cheating doesn't just happen....it's not a mistake.............it's a deliberate, conscious choice. With choices come consequences and the biggest consequence is that it could cost you your relationship and your family. Knowing that, they choose to cheat anyway. It doesn't even sound like he's sorry or regretful of what he did. In his sick mind, he's trying to turn his deception around and and thow it back at you like you're the one with the problem.
Yes, I definitely think you and your son should move out.
No, I don't think you should start dating! You're hurt and you're angry and you need to clean up and bring closure to the relationship you're in before you even think about another one. Give yourself time to heal and focus on your son right now.
Your son doesn't have to grow up without his father. He can be actively involved in his son's life.
Firstly, don't ever confuse doing right by your child, with staying with the father. Or mother. Or octopus for all I care, doing right by the child has nothing to do with your relationship status.
Now, down to the bones as it were, if you really want to forgive him, both emotionally and mentally, you have to remember what drew you to him in the first place. That man is still in there, but his recent infidelity is shading your view of him.
As for him constantly belittling you, I can only say this: No one has the right to tear someone down. Especially not someone they love.
You also have an obligation to the marriage.
My first marriage, I put up with cheating way too many times, because didn't believe in divorce.
Have you thought maybe your hubby needs for you to listen to him when he has something to say? Try listening see if this stops the fights.
If you feel you need to move out and date him then do it but I'd first try listening to conversations, needs, wants and desires.
You are taking a one way street in this relationship and it does not work that way. It is very obvious your partner wants out of the relationship and is not at all interested in gaining back your trust. You cannot force a man to love you just because you have a child together and your are being selfish by thinking that you want it to work for your child because what you really want is to work it out for you. If he would be an abuser and you felt out of love for him, I can bet anything you would not be thinking about having a father for your son. You would just want to get out of the relationship as soon as possible.
Let this man be and don't loose your dignity and respect. You stay in your home with your son and let him be responsible for his part as the law mandates. Raising a child in a adulterous and loveless home is the worse thing you can do to your child
He cheated. He's making excuses. He's telling you that you aren't happy and don't love him. He is trying to justify what he did.
You want to work it out. You want a father for your child.
Until his attitude changes and he's willing to work it out and be a good mate and father, than no amount of effort on your part is going to change things. He should be begging for forgiveness and doing anything in his power to make things right.
I would move out. He doesn't seem remorseful. When a guy turns the tables on you (';How do I have time for an affair'; and ';I bought this house for you and our son';) he is using offence as the best defence. Until he can man up and admit what he did your mind won't be put to rest.
Many women with kids have moved on and found great guys who love the child(ren) as their own.
All the best to you!
one it sounds like you two need to get on the same page. communication is everything. you guys have to get down to the deep hearted issues and really listen to one another. and if you two don't stay together your son won't be w/o a father he can still be there for his son. you won't ever trust him a 100% again, you can forgive but you will never forget.
now you made a statement saying that in the past when he denied it. you knew something was up or you wouldn't of had your suspicions. no one is that good on hiding the fact that they are cheating. go w/your gut feeling they haven't lead you wrong yet. you knew something was up even when he was denying it.
Its all up to you weather you want to make it work or not. don't just do it for your son though.
Get rid of your cheating partner. You'll be alot better off without someone like that.
I wish I knew, I have a similar problem. I try to move on and keep myself busy. In your case, give it time. If you feel you cant trust him anymore, or are unhappy in your marriage/partnership - then sooner or later you will have to face that and break up. You sure love your son, but a kid should not be the reason for 2 ppl to stick together if they just dont love each other anymore. I hope you will find the right way!
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