';Running away'; at 19...?

Alright so I realiza that since I am over the legal age of 18, if I just left my house it would not be technically running away. But that's what I'm doing. I'll give you a little bit of information to fully understand so you're able to answer the question I'm going to ask though. So, let me say first that I am not leaving my parents house out of hate, anger, or anything cliche like that. My reason is that I just want to live my life the way I've always been wanting to. And that's very hard to do when you have one of the most judgmental people as your mom. I don't necessarily want to go and do bad things but just I guess not have to worry if what I am doing is going to be approved by her.





I feel as though I have a pretty flawless plan as to how I am going to do this as well. What I am going to do is at night when both my parents are sleeping, my boyfriend is going to help me get all my stuff out of my room and put it all into his car. I have written a long letter to my parents that I will be leaving on the kitchen counter where they will easily see in the morning. In this letter, I will explain my reasoning behind moving out, who I am with, and that I will contact them so they know I am safe. I know it will hurt my parents but I feel like nothing else will get the point across. I also don't plan on cutting my family out of my life completely. What I am going to do is after a few days of my moving out, I will call my parents just to say I'm safe and no need to worry. And then eventually, after things have calmed down at a tolerable level, keep more in touch with them.





As for where I'll go, I have a place to stay and also a very good job already that actually pays a lot more than my parents have ever made but that's beside the point. I will also be attending school once I get everything together. I do want to succeed in life and I want to go far with all my dreams but I want to do it the way I feel is best for me, not what my parents want. This may sound like just a pathetic (or no so pathetic) attempt at rebellion. But that's not what I'm doing. I just need to start my life and I don't want to waste another second being unhappy here.





So if your still reading and aren't bored out of your mind yet, here is what my question is, finally... With being over the legal age and leaving a note, is there anyway that my parents can get to me or find out where I am somehow? Like by social security number? Or something like that?





Note that I will not be taking the car they bought for me, or my cell phone (I'll be getting a new phone under a new account, new number and everything obviously), I don't use any credit cards of theirs, and they do not know where the person who I'll be with lives at. Please let me know if you see any flaws in this plan. Any at all, even if you are not 100% positive. I just need to make sure that there is no way that they can find me in anyway.








Thank you if you actually took the time to read all this. Oh, and please do not preach to me about how I should not go through with doing this. Exercise your fingers somewhere else please, it would just be a waste of both of our time.';Running away'; at 19...?
If you are old enough to move out, you are old enough not to run away, unless of course you feel your family might abuse you and/or not let you take your possessions with you. And have you considered HEALTH INSURANCE? At 19 and living at home, you are probably covered by your parents' health insurance. Are you ready to start paying say $500-1000 a month in health insurance, possibly more?





And what are you not telling us? Why do you not want your parents to know where you are (ie. changing your cell phone number, they don't know who you will be living with, etc.)? And if no one knows where you are, what if this person hurts you or you ';disappear'; and you have no family around to notice? And what kind of a boyfriend would encourage you to sneak out of your house in the middle of the night to runaway with him? I am quite concerned that your boyfriend may be an abusive controller...they often try to isolate their victims from their families and friends so no one can help the victim when they are hurt.





If you want this bad enough, you are going to go ahead and do it no matter what I say and I can't stop you. But at least think twice...and if you get into trouble, don't hesitate to either call the cops and/or your family. And at the very least, let a family member and/or friend know where you are. That would be the mature thing to do, especially if you don't want your parents to notify the police that you are ';missing';.';Running away'; at 19...?
That is a very immature way of going about it. You are old enough to be on your own so be an adult about it. Sit down with them and explain that it is time for you to move out and be on your own. They may be opposed to it but it is your decision now. You may find that being independent is not as easy as you think, and it is not a good idea to break all ties to your parents or to hurt them for no reason. They raised you, supported you and gave you a good home. It is not easy to raise a child. It would probably break their hearts if you just disappeared.


And yes, you can be traced through soc. sec. cards, and other information.


Don't be childish and cruel. Do it the right way.
you are 19 you should have a steady job and your own place anyway...it's not called running away its called growing up. :D
Well, it sounds like you've thought this through and are making a move you need to make.





Whether your parents can track you really depends on their resources. There is no reason why they would be able to track you with the police or any governmental agency.





But people can be tracked using private investigators, or asking favours from friends, (do they know anyone that works for a bank or credit agency or dmv or the IRS? Do they know any cops?) or on-line, depending on how easy you are to find, and how good they are at looking. Keeping a low profile online, (i.e. don't post pictures of you in your new home on facebook) having magazine subscriptions, utility bills, etc., in another name would help you out. And making sure that you change banks.





Also, be aware that once a student, it can be easy to find you at least in some college databases so find out if you can not be listed, or use a different name, (esp. if you have a fairly unique name).





And since you say you will be contacting them eventually, it seems you just want to be sure they don't find you right away, or that you have control over what information they have about you. So, if you are careful you should be able to establish some control over your life.





Good luck to you!
Wow, I did pretty much the EXACT same thing two years ago.





I was 18 and went to a College 3 hours away from my parents house. There I met my boyfriend and fell completely in love with him. I wasn't going to be able to return to that same college the next year (that's a whole other story) So I was basically going to have to go back to my parents house and be in a long distance relationship with him. (by this time we had been together for 6 months).





My parents are very strict Christians, and like you, I didn't want to live under their superivisions anymore. I was so tired of always having to do everything with their approval and deal with them judging me. Plus, I missed my boyfriend. So one night while he was at work (he works night shift) I called him and we arranged for him to come get me after he got off work. By the time he would get to my house, my parents would be at work. So I packed a few bags, left a note telling my folks I was leaving, but i didn't tell them where I was staying or anything (they wouldn't have approved).





Anyways, my folks of course, freaked out when they got home and found that I was gone, and somehow they found out my boyfriends phone number, his parent's house number and his address. They even called a cop who was willing to go out and look for me, but he couldn't set out to look for me until a full 24 hours passed. By that time I had emailed my parents, told them I was okay and that I was going to start living with a ';friend'; in the same town my boyfriend was in (which was my college town, 3 hours away from them) They were devestated of course, but since I was over 18 and since they knew I was okay, there was nothing that anyone could do about it.





That was almost two years ago. I visit my parents when I can and I am still happily living with my boyfriend who actually proposed to me 2 weeks ago, so I guess that makes him my fiance now. :) They still believe I live with a friend (and I let them continue believing that) I have a job now, and am back at school. Life couldn't be sweeter :)





It is an immature thing to do, but sometimes you just need to be immature. If i sat and told my parents i was moving out, they wouldn't have let me go.. even if I was 18. They would have guilt tripped me, bribed me and probably would have locked me in my room :-P so I totaly understand you and 100% support you.





I wish you the best of luck, and I advise that you at least tell your parents the general area that you are ok and make sure to contact them at some point,so that they don't freak out too much and send a cop out looking for you like my folks tried to do lol.
I don't see any flaws in your plan except for one. Hold your head up, Tell your parents to their faces what you are doing and then do it.





I do understand, I have the same type of mother as you have, by doing it this way you show them that you are a grown up and you have control of your life.





You will also feel more in control by doing it this way..
Don't ';Run away'; tell your parents your ready to move out, if they object then you'll fight, but they will know that you really are safe and they wont try to trace you.
Well I won't preach to you about staying at home...you're an adult and may do as you please. But detailed as your letter was, some parts of your plan still sound a bit vague....





for starters, you mentioned that you've planned to move in with other people - but who exactly is that? I got the impression you're going to move in with your bf - be careful here, sometimes relationships (particularly the ones that haven't been tried and tested) can get strained easily and if you move in with this guy, you MIGHT uncover a whole new set of problems. for example; if you decided to break up and go separate ways, who gets to keep the apartment/house, who has to move out, who will help pay rent and bills once the other person is gone? - You need to really consider, is this person reliable in the long term?





You also mentioned you have a job that pays well, I think that's a really awesome start. But what does pays well mean? Have you sat down and calculated all your living expenses? Do you have an emergency fund set up should you fall on hard times?





You also need to have Plan B set up, what do you do if the worst happens? if you lose your job or you for one reason or another get kicked out of the place you're staying at...if you find yourself stuck with no place to go you might have to drag your *** home to that judgmental mother of yours, and if she's tough and overbearing now...imagine what she'll be like after you disappeared in the night and left her a letter. If she's as tough as you say she is she might use the situation against you and enforce harsher rules for living under her roof.





Finally if you've stuck this letter out and considered everything, the only thing left to mention is that you were kind of vague about why you want to leave your home. It's great that you're not going to burn all your bridges but you haven't explained why you're leaving in the first place? I'm not telling you to stay at home but there might be some options you haven't considered yet. Maybe someone else can offer some outside perspective so you don't have to go to such extremes...





anyway, I wish you the best of luck with everything. Good luck with whatever you decide.