Mother In-Law help before I loose my mind.?

I Have always gotten along with my husbands mom. She has always been a nice lady and easy to get along with. Until now.



about 15 months ago she was very ill and moved in with us. My goal was to get her better and then she get her own place. Now she has decided that she is not ever moving out and that we invited her to live with us forever.



My husband wont tell her different because he does not want to hurt her feelings and I don't either. I mean how will I look to everyone if I kick her out?



Here is the thing she is taking over my life and my family and I am sick of it. I feel like a stranger in my own home. I try to teach my 17 yr old son responsibilities like if you don't bring your clothes to the laundry room they don't get washed. she will go in his room get them wash them and lay them out for him. I have asked her not to do this several times. If i ask my husband to help or to do something she will get up and go do it for him. She buys the grocery's for living here (Not agreed on at all) and she buys stuff we never eat and then she decides what I am going to cook for dinner.

Today she had bleach in a cup and spilled it all the way through the living room. and made spots on my hardwood floor. when i went to get a mop and stuff to try to fix it she poured vinegar on it. to clean it. she has also been known to put fantastic and other things on my floor to clean it.



she leaves stuff lay out all the time. she washes clothes and dishes all the time even if we don't have a load. our water bill has doubled due to this. and now when we go out to eat she always goes with us then makes us pick up the tab for her.



Every time I complain to my husband about this he says I am putting him in the middle. and asks me what he should do just kick her out? I really want to say yes. but if that were to happen then everyone I know would think the worst of me plus that would be the end of our family relationship because she is going to be very hurt and mad. any ideas?? please help if you can.Mother In-Law help before I loose my mind.?
When other people come to live with us, we really need to set limits and boundaries right off the bat. This would include things like cleaning, cooking, etc.



If i were in your position, the first thing i'd do is ask her if she wouldn't mind talking for a few minutes. I'd let her know that i understand she's a very helpful person and she wants to make a contribution to the family. I'd probably tell her that while it's great to baby a grandson, my son really needs to learn to take responsibility for some things at home, and he's not learning how when he isn't taking care of his own chores. Maybe tell her it would be more helpful to him to watch a movie with him or play cards together, than to ';wait on'; him.



About cleaning -- think of a few things she can do to help, without using cleaning products that stain. Perhaps you could tell her you'd rather do most of the cleaning, but if she wants to vacuum and dust, that would be helpful. You could think of other things like keeping the bathroom sink clean, and simply clean up after herself, and that you'd rather do the rest. And i'd also ask her to do her own laundry, and you will do your own.



If the groceries are a problem, let her know you would rather do the shopping, and if she wants some thing specific, she can certainly get it for herself. You can tell her you really appreciate her contributions, but too much food seems to be going to waste.



I was also wondering if you could encourage her to get involved with people her own age.... maybe find a hobby to occupy her time -- reading, making beaded jewelry, cards, a craft class or even some sort of artwork.



She doesn't have to go out to eat with you all the time, either. You and your family/husband deserve time alone together. So, next time you're going out to eat, let her know you and your husband are going out and you'll see her later. This is what i'd do.



I might also ask her if she's been looking into moving, and what she's considering. See what she says.



Hon, i never cared what everyone thinks of me, and i do believe you could develop some boundaries with your mother in law -- you can encourage her to move, let her know that you want to take care of your own home, enforce rules for your child without interference, etc.



It's your home, and you have the right to run it the way you see fit.Mother In-Law help before I loose my mind.?
ok....something has GOT to be done, or it WILL get in the way of your marriage. I think you need to sit your husband down, and explain that you come first, and although you love your MIL very much, your marriage will go down the pan if she stays.

One compromise could be to try and ask her to buy a place really near you guys, so that she can come and go as she wants (!) but you still have that border between you guys. I dont think you should be the one who says it to her though, its going to have to be your hubby! Good luck xxxx
I would hate be in your shoes right now. I feel for you and feel that your doomed if you do and doomed if you don't. You have tried talking to your husband numerous times and this has gone no where. Sounds like she has not too many friends and she was alone and maybe did not feel needed.

Now she has a purpose to help your family and to try to help with house hold chores.

I really feel sorry for you not even sure what to tell you to do. I would try to get her out of the house more like joining seniors groups and maybe try to set her up on dates. I would even go as far as having the dates come for supper. I know sounds crazy but what else can you do at this point.

I would find some dating site and look for nice respectful dates for her. If your husband asks this is a long time friend of the family. Your husband is not going to do anything so its up to you now. The best thing is to be honest with your husband and tell him how it is making you feel. Your husband needs to step up to the plate and find a way what is the best for his mom. All the best and let me know how it turns out.
OMG we had this when I was a kid and my grandfather moved in. It is really hard. It really sounds like she is trying to help and maybe going overboard. Are there any retirement communities around you? This is where they have their own apartments and everything, but they get medical help and socialize and have outings the their peers. She might be happier. I know my grandfather was. they would go on trips, have parties, he loved to go to a big wood working shop they had set up. He had his own place and had his privacy . He thanked us. It was hard for him to be in a house with two little kids. He felt like a visitor. If I remember right, they took his social security and we would send him money each month for his entertainment and trips. It sounds expensive, but maybe take the money you save from the water bill and your future psychiatric bills.
Tell your husband to ';man up';. That is his Mother, he needs to deal with it. You and he set boundaries, and you get him to talk to his Mother, and let her know these boundaries.

I think she Truly trying to be helpful in her on way...and she obviously loves her grandson, and wants to spoil him a bit.

In saying all this, I do think she would be happier, in a senior center. She sounds healthy now. She could mingle with people her age, do crafts, go on day trips, play games, gossip with the old ladies. My Mom LOVED the senior center, she never wanted to live with her children. But she would spend holidays with us, go on trips with us, but she always wanted to get ';back home'; as she said.