Do you like my story so far?

This is the first chapter =)

Monday Mornings, Who in their right mind would enjoy them? Today wasn’t your average Monday morning; it was the first day of school. “

ADELE! Hurry UP Its 7:40 you’re going to miss the bus!” A aggravated voice calls from the kitchen. Slowly I roll over and decide a couple more minutes of sleep can’t hurt me, Sleep feels so good when you know you should be up. At 7:45 I decide to get up as I slide out of bed and stand up a whoosh of cold air gives me the chills I scamper back into my bed its way to cold, I don’t want to go to school. “ADELE BLAIR SYMONDS Get the hell out of bed!” the voice screeches again. Steadily my heels hit the cold floor and I spring out of bed, Ok on the count of three I’ll run and get dressed 1… 2…3. I quickly walk to my wardrobe and get dressed as fast as I can, What an effort to get up.

Whoa, Déjà vu I think as I roughly and quickly glide my straightener over a section of hair. I check my watch its 7:55, Crap I need to hurry up. I flick the switch on the straightener and pull my hair up into a messy bun and run out to have a brisk breakfast. “Honey, Can you look after Ashlea after school tonight, I’ve been called to do a nightshift and you know my boss….” My mum babbles on, “MUM Whatever, I’m in a hurry, Just… please don’t make me stress” I interrupt hesitating on the end of the sentence. “Jeez Adele get a grip” A girly overkill voice calls from the other end of the table, I cast her a deadly stare “Is that your new technique for scaring off boys?” She replies giggling obviously happy with her stupid comeback. “Ashlea, Leave your sister alone. Adele its time to go its 8:00” Mum calls. I give Ashlea another stare as if I’m saying I’m not finished with you As I walked out the front door.

“OH MY GOD VENLO, YOU GOT YOUR HAIR DONE, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IT LOOKS HOT!” Monique Davis’s very irritating voice calls before everyone crowds around the door like Jesus just walked in. Disturbing music plays in my head as a very bouncy haired blonde walks in “Hey Venlo” “Venlo, How you doin’?” “Oh my god you look great” “VENLO VENLO you forgot to sign my yearbook last year can you sign it now?” A hurricane of voices yell and her reply… “Move it losers” She demands pushing her way through. “What is with them, Crowding around that brainless airhead” a voice beside me asks scaring me “ANNABELLE!” “ADELE!” We hug before finding a place to sit.

“Good morning Students” a crackly elderly voice interrupts as we discuss our summers “Good morning Mrs Cheelham” Venlo beams her fakest voice. “Good morning Miss Cherry, I hope you have all enjoyed your summers, But enough of that Its school now and too kick off the school year I will announce….” I hope she announces something good for once “The Seating Plan for all your classes.” The whole class groans for what seems like hours. “ Melanie Carmetti and Brooke Styes over there.” She keeps announcing people until only 4 people are left, Nicole and Venlo the populars and Annabelle and I. “Venlo Cherry and….” Please be Nicole Please Be Nicole Please Be Nicole “Adele Symonds” Oh heck how will my life go on. “Over there” Venlo gives me the foulest look and turns to the teacher and bats her eyelashes whilst moving her stuff onto the desk. “Annabelle Sneaf and Nicole Johnson over there” Annabelle whimpers as Nicole bumps her shoulder painfully “ Get used to it.” She sneers coldly.



“I can’t believe that *****, Venlo is such a two faced beast” I complain in the cafeteria. “Are you kidding that girl wouldn’t fool anyone, I’d love to see her before she does her hair, She uses so much damn hairspray it looks like she’s wearing a helmet.” Annabelle jokes I have to laugh. “Excuse me…” A familiar voice interrupts. “Hey Venlo. Did we invite you to this conversation?”Annabelle says sarcastically, That girl has guts, “I just came to say Adele, Honey I’m going to bash you if my boyfriend looks at you one more time.” Venlo demands sweetly “I can’t help him looking at me” I protest innocently secretly pleased Angus Hill is looking at me… Actually paying attention to me! “Whatever, I’ll fix you.” She warns before walking off. Suddenly in a split second her stiletto gets caught in some spaghetti and she slips onto the floor as a passerby panics and water splashes onto Venlo’s hair, sinking it from big bouncy curls into flat horrid saturated waves. “AHHHHHHHHHHH” She screams. I turn to see Angus mouth the word S.H.I.T! As they cover their ears. “I’m so sorr-“The passerby begins “SHUT UP YOU STUPID RETARD” She screams “Venlo Just Chill Its only water” Angus adds. “ONLY Water? Angus we are so through!” She screams running out of the canteen while Angus follows her. I do feel sorry for that girl and Angus but I can breathe again!



Its a bit rough but is it a good start?

I'm 13 by the way and a very enthusiastic writer =) Do you like my story so far?
It doesn't really make alot of sense

Her mom wakes her up, her sister makes fun of her, people at school make fun of her, and she goes and eats lunch?

You need to SLOW DOWN.

There are far too many names, just names, not characters whatsoever

Clear up the story a bit and try again

I'm sure it'll be good soon :]