Am I asking too much?

A few months after getting married I found out that my husband cheated on me, which broke my heart. Its been already a year but I still think about it from time to time which then makes me mad. I will ask him questions that have been on my mind and that leads to us fighting because he says it is in the past and does not matter. I feel like I am not able to move on past lies and I need to know the details....like why and how did they meet and stuff to move on or I will always wonder. I guess I was mad that I wasn't able to make the decision to marry him knowing he cheated and choose to stay vs marrying him and then finding out he was not only with me. I just want to know if you have been cheat on was it easier to move on with all your questions answered because he thinks I am crazy to ask questions.Am I asking too much?
Girl you helped me so much with my question, i will try and help a fellow survivor out. I did alot of research and reading after i found out about my husbands affair to try and understand why men do this, why my man did this and everything. Men always seem to want to move on and pretend it never happened, basically black it all out. But us women of course we can't, i asked my husband all kinds of questions to the girls bra size, and what position they did it in, to what drinks they had prior to the fling happening. In the end it didn't make me feel any better if anything it made me feel crappier because i could picture it in my mind. And also i would get upset because he did stuff with this other women like oral sex and what not that i had always considered special and things a wife and husband did not just a one night stand, so by knowing the details it actually made me feel bad at first, but once the info was out there i was able to process it and then it slowly got better a day at a time. It helped that my man had been able to tell me anything i want to know without arguing, and he tries not to get mad because he knows he's in the wrong not me. It will hurt to know all the answers in the begining but after awhile you can process this and put it away. Females are different we can't just bury stuff and pretend it never happened we have to analyze it and talk it out, til its like beating a dead horse,lol. You just need to explain to your hubby thats how we work and he needs to indulge you and tell you anything you want to know at a moments notic ebacuse he messed up and he owes you at least that much. Hang in there girl i know that love will prevail and we will be stronger in our marriages for it.Am I asking too much?
I would never stay with someone that cheated on me in the first place. I think a good point to being up is: why is it that you're the crazy one for asking questions? He's the one that cheated. Although, wanting to know about the situation does seem a bit masochistic to me. Personally, I would have just left him the instant I found out. Hope this helps, and good luck working out your situation!
He cheated... but you decided to stay with him. You either need to forgive him or leave. It is not fair to either of you to continue like that and it is not fair to keep bringing something up. If you forgive someone and stay with them, you cannot keep throwing it in their face. If you feel it is something you will never get over... either seek counseling or get a divorce.
Asking is a way to torture him and you and get your marriage down the drain.

Your choices were

Stay and move on

Leave and move on.



By choosing to stay you cant go on playing the martyr and drag this power you have over him every time you feel like it. You keep both of you there and the cheating has become the center of your relation ship.

I understand you dont trust him and your ego is hurt, but acting this way trivializes it and he WILL cheat again, i assure you, and this time you will be responsible.



Tell him you have a trust issue, get some help-both of you,and stop hanging that sword over his head every time you need to be in control.

He will resent you.



How do I know that this is what you do?

If you were as hurt as you think you were, you wouldnt bare knowing the details.





Give both of you a chance since this is the path you chose.
No you are not asking for to much; if anything he is the crazy one. He says it's in the past so that HE can feel better about what he did. My husband cheated on me before we got married. He also yells at me when ever I bring it up he says the exact same thing ' that's in the past' take it from me if it bothers you that much and you can leave then leave. It's been almost 4 years since my husband cheated on me and I still get mad about it every day. Now I'm going to college so I can get my own life and be with someone who respects me enough not to cheat on me. And trust me if he told you the details it wouldn't make much of a difference any ways because he would probably just lie to make you feel better. That's what my husband does. I know this for a fact because he tells me a different story every time.
no your not crazy he's the one that is wrong of course they don't want to talk about it they know that they did something wrong and he could still be possibly doing it if not with the same girl then with another, I still can't really move on and i've had all my question answered. Some can move past it and some can't it's just going to take time. Don't know what your relationship is like but my fiance was a prick and thought that he could control me and hurt me whenever he wanted to so talking about it was not an issue for him. It took him getting some really bad karma to finally come clean with everything. Sometimes you need to risk it be firm and tell him we need to clear everything up if we're going to be together or I don't want to stay in this marriage. How do you want to live? in an unhappy marriage if you don't do something about it now.
Ask all the questions you need to. When this happened to me I asked questions for months. I wanted to know everything. I know it sounds crazy and maybe somewhat twisted but I felt the need to know every detail and somewhere from being devastated and hurt I found myself getting through it. I can not say that I would go through it again if given the chance but I can say we made it through it. And have a great relationship now. There are times when I am reminded of that time in our relationship and it still hurts but it something that changed both of our lives for the better. some of life's lessons are a *****!
No I think you have a right to ask questions, you can have closer through the questions. But ask certain questions that matter like Why did you chose her? Was it her looks or her personality? Was he not satisfied with you in bed? is that why he cheated. Did he meet her at work? A relshinship to develop at work is very easy because their togethor most of the day. Make sure to tell him your trying to understand and trying to move on, Plus he did the bad deed so he should try and answer all your questions. Whn he seems to get anger remind him that HIS the one who caused all this problem and he should be more then helpful for you to move on. His even luck you even stayed.