Please read the first chapter of my novel...=) (fantasy)?

Totally Lunar



Chapter 1: Echo Dibrom and Company



The name is Dibrom—Echo Dibrom. I don’t know I just love the way James Bond says his name like that. I really do. I’m your average teenage boy living in my own inferno-like high school. Oh my god, let’s face it. You thought I was going to go into a long, drawn out teen angst saga. Didn’t you? Well, lucky you, you’re in for a hell of a treat. But I admit that would have been my lame story a year ago. Hello, no matter what people say, our age group isn’t just filled with the cliché “drama queens and kings”!

Anyways, whether or not you want me to, I’m going to shove my story down your throats (or into your eyes more like it). So, you—yea you—don’t you dare put this book down. I mean it. Everyone needs to know that though they may have it pretty darn bad, someone out there has it a million times worse. Here’s some insane stuff that rocked my world last year—my damn junior year of high school:



My dad had landed some godforsaken job teaching in Wisconsin the month before all high schools were supposed to begin their treacherous cycle. Who in their right mind ever moves from New York City to Wisconsin anyways? He literally packed up the whole apartment—with my family still in it—and shoved it into a ridiculously large moving truck. I could have lived in that thing! I really could have. To tell you the truth, I didn’t really mind the move. As a seventeen-year-old reclusive nerd, I thought a change in location could do me nothing but good. Haha, yes, I bet you’ve formed a classic geek image in your narrow-minded head by now. When it comes down to it, I can be quite drop dead handsome—no joke intended. I’m just a bit of an introvert. You’ll see. They all do. Wow! I’m conceited and I have ADD. Brilliant! Where was I? Oh yea.



My mother and sixteen-year-old sister, Brittany, were a little too morbid about the move. Now, they were true drama queens. Being very popular people and all, they were ridiculously attached to our lifestyle in New York. I got so annoyed with both of them crying, “But…but… but…what about all our friends?” As I said, I could have cared less. I wasn’t really losing anyone. Actually, I was hoping to leave behind the current me in New York. Boy, oh boy, are people right when they say, “Be careful what you wish for.” Maybe those old proverbs people never believe in actually have some depth behind them. It’s just a thought. Both, my mom and sis were pouring their eyes out (or doing a heck of a job acting) as we boarded our flight to Wisconsin. That state morphed my life. It literally did. You’ll see. I promise.



As we grazed across the sky, I looked out of the tiny windowpane next to my seat and thought about my family. The thing about it was that everyone in it was so damn congenial and outspoken. Sometimes, I liked to pretend I was adopted. That helped me cope with the differences more. My sister, Brittany, was at the top of the food chain, while I was far below the bottom. The only reason I had never gotten beat up in New York was that all of my personal bullies had at one time or another dated my sis. She dumped guys (never vice versa) and they always wanted her back. So, in order to stay on her good side, they decided not to punch my gut, spleen, and etc. out of me. Thanks guys! You’re such gentlemen. My mother was simply an older version of my sister. She was a traveling makeup saleswoman and most definitely knew how to talk the talk and walk the walk. Throughout the whole country, she had to know someone in some out-of-the-world nook and cranny. Her whole career was based on her personality. That really annoyed me at times. It really did. I mean wasn’t success supposed to be based on merit or something. Blah, who was I kidding. Success had always been nothing more than a popularity contest. Who’s left? Oh yea—my father. He was a real character I’ll tell you. He was a physics professor. You’d think he’d be at least a bit geekish, but no he had to be this amazing, funny guy that had all these surreal stories to tell. That’s my father—everyone’s favorite teacher. No matter how bad a situation was he was always able to take it in such a light manner. I doubt he ever had a panic attack. He had the power of laughter. I swear he did.



So, you’re probably wondering how I fit into this picture perfect family. The thing is, I didn’t. I had no friends, let alone girlfriends. I was far too shy for my own good. With such isolation lurking at my footsteps, I had nothing better to do than shove some knowledge into that thing called a brain. I became a compulsive reader, earned some good grades (damn reading does work), and thus, got labeled a nerd. There went any prospect of a social life. My family really tried though. They put me in some extremely embarrassing self-confidence class ran by some dude named Mr. Crucifier. OK, OK, that really wasn’t his last namePlease read the first chapter of my novel...=) (fantasy)?
I liked this. It definitely sounds like something that would come from a teenager's POV--as anyone over 20 probably wouldn't know...*cough, cough*



I could connect with your character, though I'm a girl, I know guys who are like this. C=



It was good, flowed and I didn't stumble while reading it. I couldn't see any obvious grammar/spelling errors.



What type of fantasy are you planning, if I may ask???



All in all, I liked it. Keep on writing.



-Morbid PoetPlease read the first chapter of my novel...=) (fantasy)?
Its allright,but this is in no way fantasy. Fantasy is like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Eragon, etc. Sounds like you've read the James Patterson novel ';Maximum Ride';. Needs some work, but okay as a begining.
sounds like pendragon
You need to hook your readers from the first sentence. You didn't give any information about what the story was about or anything about the setting or character in general other than his name in the first paragraph and I lost my interest right there and didn't continue reading. I'm not trying to be harsh but the criticism will help you more than complements.
This is sooo smexyyy. haha, i love to say that. I love this!! Its so awesome, and I love books that start out with someone being normal and then turning into a fantasy like BAM all of a sudden. send me the rest please! :) i would love to read it all :)



wendynorena@live.com
I'm putting you on my Watchlist since I don't have time to read it right now. I can see it needs work. I have some published authors on my list of friends on 360. But I have to agree, you have to hook the reader in the opening and leave suspended thoughts so they WANT to know what's going to happen....paint a picture with words one might say... :)



I also believe you should open your e-mail up and join a writers page such as writers.com. Even at 360 they have a place for writers or aspiring writers.
I love it! It is amazing! Write more and publish more! please. :)