Thursday, October 28, 2010

What should i name my book?

I knelt down and laid the bouquet of red and white roses on the doorstep, picked up Aiden and walked away. So many things had happened in that house while we were there. I could remember the things he would do and say to her. “I’ll kill you” he would always yell as he firmly grasped her neck and tightened his grip with each word. Then one day after school as I walked home something suddenly happened. I entered my home finding father drunk on the couch, as usual from all his booze. I called out for my mother, she didn’t answer.

I crept around the corner of the hallway until I came to the bathroom, I could feel the hairs on my neck rising up. I scarcely turned the knob and cracked the door enough to see mother’s body hanging from the ceiling. I knew this father’s work, the bathroom held his sent of booze and cigarettes. As I cried out I clasped my hands over my mouth trying not to wake up father with the noise. I walked over to her body and touched mother’s ice cold skin while tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn’t believe he killed her this time, but why? I left out the bathroom, hands still over my mouth, and walked down to Aiden’s room. He was still asleep.

“Aiden…Aiden, wake up” I said quietly. Aiden slowly opened his eyes and blinked. “Emily are you crying?” he asked I nodded to him, “Why?” he questioned. Aiden had never really seen me cry before, “Mom’s dead” I whispered. Aiden wouldn’t move, “We have to go before he kills us.” I scurried around the house with a panicked look on my face, trying to grab everything that we needed. Once we had all our belongings, I closed the door and slowly backed away from the mad house. It had been a year since then.

I was currently 13 and Aiden was now 8. We were now in a foster home in England and hadn’t been anywhere else. “Emily, when are we ever going to leave here?” Aiden asked. “Aiden we aren’t going to leave here, we have to because dad can’t take care of us anymore, and no one else wants to take care of us” I always felt so ashamed when I told him that. Our own father couldn’t take care of us and the rest of the family didn’t want to. I walked down stairs to the lounge area.

“Emily you’re just the person I was looking for” Sara said. “Lillian, Scott, this is Emily” Scott extended his hand, I shook it. “I’m Scot and this is my wife Lillian, we’re your new foster parents. His accent was so thick I could barely make out what he was saying. “Nice to meet you” I replied. I wasn’t too happy about this, I was actually quiet worried. It had only been a year and we were already moving.

“Aiden get your stuff together” I yelled. He stopped playing with the other children and looked at me, “Why” he asked. “We’re leaving, we have to go to another house” just as I said that my mind flashed back to when we ran away. Aiden stuffed his things in his small suitcase and dragged it down to the main floor. “This is my brother Aiden” I elbowed Aiden in the side. “N-Nice to make your acquaintance” he said. Scott took our bags as we loaded the car.

“Everyone settled in?” Lillian said as she looked back at us. We nodded, she pulled off slowly as I looked out the back window at the house. “How far away do you live from here?” I asked. “About 10 minuets” Lillian replied. I looked back out the window as the housed faded behind us. Aiden was asleep by the time we arrived at the house. “We’re here” Scott said.What should i name my book?
*Family Arrangement

*Led From One Mistake

*Error of a Tear



I dont know xD



Just a little helpful criticism as well, you could work on punctuation and spelling a bit. Perhaps add a little more detail, make it emotional. Make the reader shed a tear or two.

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