What is wrong with me? CRAZY? :(?

I drink

I smoke

I kind of self harm



I get sooo paranoid that it makes me so depressed I get into this totally deep depression and think (SUICIDE). Not even about doing it but more of calming myself cause knowing it's an option.



When I'm in my room in the dark or something I'll imagine what if someone just ran up behind me or else I imagine shawdows moving and I get that sick feeling in your stomach and my heart races and I run and have to turn the light on.



I feel soooo guilty when I eat. Last night I ate some toast my mom made me and cried while I ate it- I felt so bad.



All the time I think about stuff- ALL THE TIME.



I can't look in the mirror cause I feel sick and want to hurt myself because of how ugly I am. I hate myself so much I get so angry. I hate my voice, the way I am, the way I think, the way I can't cope, the way I can't be like anyone else.



My teacher has a copy of a book I was involved in and she said she wouldn't show anyone- she changed her mind and now is, she said she wouldn't so I\d give her the book. I don't think she even knows how much I am freaking out. I know I'm going to like cry or get so red and then get all paranoid and go home and think how weird I am and then I'll want to hurt myself.



Nobody knows or understands how I feel. My best friend thinks I'm a pysco and I annoy her so much.



Suicide is on my mind the whole time, I don't know why.

Help .. :(

My dad has said I am fat, ugly, useless, called me a pri*k, a c*nt.. and everything else.

My dad also once told me to kill myself and then told me how he wouldn't care. My 'Best friend' said she wished I was dead when she was drunk.

She has also hurt me so much by sleeping with people I was going out with at the time, put me in dangerous situations and then treats me like sh*t and I still would do anything for her- I'm a fool I know but help me .. please



It's breaking my heart just knowing that tomorrow I'm going to wake up and feel the same way. I hate myself like you wouldn't believe...What is wrong with me? CRAZY? :(?
Just wear a bag over your head so nobody can see how useless you are.What is wrong with me? CRAZY? :(?
okk so how old are you ?? !

and i have alot of experience in this area

and believe me i know what your going through and worse

i can't exactly give you an answer to solve all of this out,, but i can help you along the way

if you want to email me you can

x
Hey Sarah!! Don worry things will be alright. Everyone is Gifted. Do things that make u feel excited.Listen Music, Dance. Live life like their is no tomorrow. Just keep smiling. And u will feel very happy. I know its very hard to take things when your own people use such kind off an accent to you, Instead of understanding and being by your side.Just take things as it come. Dont back answer them. Let them start and let them only finish it. Or may be if its with your friends, Just ask them straight what is the problem for them with you?? If you think it is genuine, try changing, if not, then just quit being with them.You can stay alone.Be independent.Go for shopping alone , enjoy it!! Go for dinner or lunch alone!! Enjoy your food!! Let the beauty come from inside you!!Use a wow Perfume!!!Love Yourself first!! Get early in the morning! Put on ur your favourite music. Start doing some dance workouts at home, which makes u feel like your dancing but not actually doing some excersice. after working out just have a shower. Comb your hair well!! Dress yourself!! Say to yourself that you are beautiful!! Make yourself feel you look beautiful.Put on a nail color.Use a gloss for your lips, Just love yourself.Admire yourself.Give a damn to anyone who hurts you. and live your life.You will Just feel great. Don do **** things like Sucide and all that. They are of no use. Its very bad. Instead of killing yourself. Enjoy the life you want to live.. Its all Your s . Something You won forever , is just your Life!! Hope i was of some help!! You can be my friend! if u still feel lonely and so desolated. mail me at anija12@yahoo.com.



Goodluck ! I wish you all the best :)

Please Smile!! And it is all their!! The Happiness!!
I'm sorry to hear what your going through.... you shouldn't feel guilty when you eat ..... i'm thinking you might feel guilty because your dad has called you fat... but the truth is you shouldn't listen to someone like that or take any notice of what they say..... i know he is your dad but he shouldn't really say stuff like that to you...... so just ignore what he says because his talking Sh*t........your Friend shouldn't think your a pysco because your going through a rough patch in your life and she should be there to support you..... and i'm sure that your dad didn't mean what he said about him not caring if your dead......your not a fool... your a really nice person who would do anything for and it's a shame she couldn't do the same for you....... i'm not going to say i feel the same way as you but i can relate to as i suffer from severe depression and harm myself everyday...... but if you want to talk to someone you can talk to me because i know what your going through and hopefully be able to help you......:)



Hope this helped.... :)
what is paramount is to choose your healing route------ carefully-- be really aware that the druggs/meds treatment for this can be horrendous and you can go on for years with no improvement and massive damaging detrimental side effects from meds . Do read this very carefully and try and understand the principles behind what is being said .

Evaluate all of this info well 鈥搕his info will save you years of suffering ---years if you apply it ..

All treatment recommended by the doctors should be tested and approved and quite rightly so.

That makes sense right .it costs millions to test and approve treatments because of the possible damage to people..

Drug companies Fund most research and will only and I mean only look at treatments, which show the promise of good deal of a profit, --they will actively dismiss any therapy which does not have profit potential鈥?thus your doctor will only recommend therapies with profit potential in them.

Despite The fact that some of these other therapies mentioned do have overwhelming benefits some, which have saved needless amputations, needless pain and trauma, and much loss of life. Drugs are not the answer for depression with mind altering chemicals or any other mental illness. This is a fundamental principle and unless you grasp this fully 鈥搚ou could /will have years of suffering ahead of you .

This does not help you though when you are ill and suffering鈥攏ot hearing about therapies which can help from a person you look up to and trust Have you heard your local doctor recommend, Massage Spiritual healing, Herbs, Light therapy,Colour therapy,the violet ray therapy, Osteopathy, Electrical Frequency devices.

These therapies will work for many complaints of a so called mental nature

we have thousands of testimonials and results showing years of successful applications

Do this and I will guarantee improvements to you inside a day its that simple, of course getting these things in place can be much harder. Each therapy can have a very beneficial influence on you.

Print this all off save it and enact it and share it --- of course someone to help you get these therapies in your life is invaluable but do not be swayed by them trying for short cuts 鈥?

1,get someone to massage your back and legs at least 3 times a week use peanut oil or a mix of 50-50 olive and peanut oil.

2 use the violet ray machine an Edgar Cayce device google search this --- 3 times a week on the other days especially on the spine鈥?we use it every day with very positive results

3.get a tent sleep out side 3times a week utilising earth energy - nature can help big time especially with how you feel how much energy you have

4 study and apply good nutrition-- adequate minerals all of them particularly calcium and magnesium iron essential fatty acids omega 3 6 9 protein etc

5 ensure your thyroid is working well

7 ensure you do at least I hr per day some kind of voluntary work when you are able..the reasons you are ill , or poor or have allsorts of bad things happen to you is because of karma -----usually from past lives but some from this one 鈥搗oluntary work will offset your mistakes--- how much it offsets well that is down to god and how much you do. Healing us is in direct proportion to the help we give others ie your healing comes with helping others achieve theirs so if people are doing very little in helping others ---they suffer more and longer...and if they are doing a lot they get well faster....so now you know what to do ,,and like a lot of us are already doing being of service.

8 be amongst people who are giving, friendly who have time for you who love you , choose your friends well

9 be or get to a place which personally love or like

10 get and do some work which you like or love

11 ensure you do no acts which hurt or inflict on anyone 鈥揹on鈥檛 want to add to your karma do we !!!

12 spiritual healing yes and reiki -.

13think good positive thoughts, laughter, look at comedy, play good uplifting music,

14 avoid at all costs exposure to violence, murders, suffering ,death ,tragedies, -feed upon good things uplifting things, things that feel like a breath of fresh air..

15 Positive affirmation- that right programme your self in the mirror , thoughts are things words are things actions are things , all have influence, few people realise these things can have an effect on themselves .

16 a detox ------ toxins can influence how you feel big time

17 hugs get plenty of them in your daily life you would be amazed at how people feel after a few decent hugs鈥?

18 loads of exercise running walking climbing but something which you enjoy

19 rid yourselves of all aspartame laden foods and drink and many additives get back to a wholesome organic diet diet

A total cure however is tied up with karma so you can imagine just how important is the voluntary work.