Problem with my mom, i need a parents advice or point of view...please please help me :(?

ok so i really need help with this...maybe some of you mothers out there can give me a point of view i can understand



me and my mom have always had a rocky relationship...probably since i was around 15 or so...i developed a mind of my own and rebelled...i never did anything outrageous, just the normal stuff....



well i moved out of my parents house when i was 18 because i didnt get along with them at all...i realized about a year after that, that i was not ready...i was too immature and i went back to live with my parents when they offered...



now im back there and have been there for a couple years now... (im 21)...ive grown up alot and learned alot of things the hard way...at the age of 21 i work full time and go to school full time so i dont pay my parents rent or anything...i feel like im ready to move out but im paying for my school outta my pocket so i have to wait til i graduate...



even thought im 21 i have a curfew...i understand thats my parents house and i respect their wishes and am home before my curfew unless i am staying with a friend...



i dont drink, i dont go out, i dont go to bars, and i always try to do the right thing...



my mom is still constantly questioning where i am, what im doing, what i spend my money on and telling me because i dont help around tthe house every day i dont appreciate living there and i dont respect them....im on the go from 6 am to midnight...then after i get home i have homework and studying to do...i dont mind helping once thats done but to be honest, even thought im 21, im EXHAUSTED alot...



this past weekend i stayed with a friend, and all week after i cam home my mom has avoided me like she was mad at something....



finally today i stayed out of school to catch up on some laundry and sleep and studying...she came in my room and went off on me about how i disrespected her by not coming home and helping around the house...i told her that i am an adult and i feel like if i want to stay at a friends house one weekend, i am entitled to that without wondering if she will be mad about some dishes...



we got in a HUGE fight, she ended up callin me an ';***hole'; which hurt me...she went into a tantrum and was screaming at the top of her lungs how i dont appreciate anything and how my life is SO easy and she clenched her fists and just screamed to the top of her lungs....



when i told her she needed to calm down she got offended and said for me not to tell her what to do...i ask her if we could talk about this wen she calmed down she said no u will listen now...we argued for probably 45 minutes with her screaming throwing a tantrum and me sittin there takin it feelin like im a 4 year old...



when she left the house she squealed tires and i called her and i said mom please stop driving like that you gonna reck



she said ';good maybe ill reck and die and i wont have to be in your life anymore'; and hung up



that really hurt me...i dont know how to solve this, or even if i can...we clash for a while, then we get along for a while, then we argue...i know she loves me but sometimes i feel like she doesnt like me at all...randomly for no reason she will just wont speak to me for a week and when im around shes slammin stuff around and slammin doors...



i am SOO tired of this...i love my mom and in no way am i trying to call her a bad mother...i am just very hurt by her sometimes and i dont know how to approach her or please her for that matter...i want my mom and i to have a good relationship...i want that more than anything...



i know i dont help around the house as much as i should but i am so tired most nights i just wana crash after i study



is there any suggestions on how i can approach my mom and effectively talk to her to where this can change...if not is there any suggestions on how i can cope with this until i graduate



this may sound petty or dumb but to me it is a huge deal...thats my mom, the only one i have and i want us to enjoy the time i have still living there...



please help meProblem with my mom, i need a parents advice or point of view...please please help me :(?
sorry hun, you can't change another person. she cares for you, she worries after you, she resents your growing up and not being under her control (actually because she cares about you-- it is hard to be a sane mom).



You can't explain things to her. She doesn't want to listen. And you won't change her. SO armed with that information, what can you do to remove yourself from the situation. The way I see it, there are two options:



1. move out. Or just bide your time until you do.

2. learn to not accept the gift of her anger. She's giving it to you and you're accepting it. You are allowing her words to enter you. You are doing this with good intentions, you want to make things better. but you want to do so by making HER see. By stopping her. The truth is, her feelings belong to her. Your feelings belong to you. The only person to work on is yourself.



I have learned that the only way I must react to my mother or any one else is to take a breath. Then another. And another. All I ever have to do is breathe. I do not have to react. I do not have to accept the gift of another person's anger. I do not have to mold myself into being the person she wants me to be.



You should do housework. No matter how tired your mom was when you were a baby (and she WAS tired in a way that no child-less person can understand) she still got up and ran to you when you needed her. She still washed your diapers and bibs. She deserves your help now, particularly since you eat her food and live under her roof.



As far as I'm concerned, adult or no, you do what is asked of you when you mooch off another person, parents included.



OR just move out. These are not simple choices. Welcome to adulthood.Problem with my mom, i need a parents advice or point of view...please please help me :(?
From what you wrote it honestly sounds like your mom is being unreasonable. So what if you crash at a friends place? Parents like your mother are too controlling.
It's time you moved out, sweetheart. Keep the full time job to support yourself and get an apartment. Cut back the school time so that you can take care of yourself and keep your own place clean. From time to time, take your Mom to dinner and a movie to stay in touch and so that she knows you love her. Don't say you can't move out. You can but something has to give and I think it should be your time in school. Cut back a bit and move out.
I'm curious about a few things.



What does your Dad think about your relationship with Mom? And were you his ';princess'; when you were a kid?



The Mother/Daughter dynamic (especially when the daughter is a teen) - that dynamic has it's stresses - just like the Father/Son. There are plenty of Dad's out there that think they %26amp; their sons need to take things to a fight for the son to finally ';assert'; himself as a man - BS if you ask me, but these weird dynamics are just that - weird.



On some very base level, your Mom may see you as ';competition';. Face it, most women get b^tchy around other women.



Did Mom get to go to college? Or did she get married/pregnant pretty young %26amp; so that part of her life never happened?



She could be jealous of your opportunities/life.



The curfew. It s*cks that you have one - at your age. But you have to look at it as the price you pay for living rent free - and able to pursue your education. As far as her interrogating you when/where you've been, I still go back to my question before of if she was married %26amp; pregnant young? Maybe she was a really wild teen and worries you could end up like her?



Her huge tantrum was unacceptible. For sure. Middle aged women get messed up by their hormones, just like young ones do. Is she going through menopause? Some women get nuts during that time.



I think I probably would have just walked out and left the house if my mom went ape-sh^t like yours did. There was absolutely no way you were going to be able to reason with her, let alone convince her of your point of view.



What is your Dad's policy on this curfew? Does he agree with her? Or can you enlist his aid - not so much as an obvious ally, but more of him gently nudging your Mom - behind the scenes, so to speak?



But you do need to have an adult discussion about the living arrangements. How you approach it? Good question. You Mom behaves unreasonably - I'd be afraid to go there...



She should be in a quiet, content mood. When you talk about it, talk about how You feel, use ';I'; alot and not ';you';. Making statements at her (';you never trust me';) will only put her on the defensive. Make it about how hard you're working, how worried you are about passing, etc. and ask what it is you've done to cause her to lose trust.



Good luck.




Make a schedule to fit things in with your life.

Your mom has no respect for you it seems.

If she yells at you again, just leave for the day and come back at night or if you leave at night, then come back the next day.

Tell your mom how you feel and if she interupts you just sit there and ignore her. When she's done talking start talking again.